things Old Man Sam looks like:
- an English teacher with a severe drinking problem
- an unsub on Criminal Minds
- your uncle who’s not allowed to come to family Christmas because your parents filed a restraining order against him when you were 3
- my sleep paralysis demon
- man who’s too senile to realize there’s no lenses in his glasses
- man who’s wondering if he remembered to turn the oven off
- theology teacher who believes his class will change your life
- Mr. Roger’s shadow self
- Count Olaf, but a Chad
- Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween (2018)
- old man who’s like, really into bird watching
- tenured professor but no one actually knows what he’s supposed to be teaching
- Mr. Feeny, if he never got to meet the Matthews family
- Me when I dressed up as the grandmother in Billy Elliot for a musical theater class performance in 11th grade
- what Bernie Sanders thinks he looks like in his mind’s eye
- the Unabomber
- guy you’ve lived next door to for years and you think he’s really nice if a little socially awkward and then one day the police show up and tell you he has dead bodies buried in his basement
- man you just discovered lives in the neighborhood haunted house that everyone thought was abandoned
- your ex-boyfriend at your high school reunion, cementing the feeling that you really dodged a bullet
- Peter Capaldi if he stayed on Doctor Who any longer
- an actor who’s realizing he just spent the last 15 years of his life working up to a terrible finale episode
